Brothers and Sisters : the various sides of their relationships

Brothers and Sisters : the various sides of their relationships

Introduction:

The relation between brothers and sisters is very complex. Each family has a different way to live with the others members. The role and the responsibility are divided respectively for each child. The oldest child is not considered like the youngest. There are a lot of factors which influence the relationships between brothers and sisters or the place they occupy in the family. It depends on the number of children and the age and sex differences between them, if the parents are divorced or still married, the education of the parents (the values they transmit like competivity or solidarity), and the cultural environment: the fraternity doesn’t signify the same thing to everyone. For example, in the families where the man is superior, brothers often have the responsibility to keep an eye on the courtships of the sister. An other factor is the social situation; the relations are generally stronger in the poor families because of the difficulties which force them to be united. In contrary, the rich families are usually separated and each of them lives his own life.

Even if the relation can be sometimes difficult, it is fulfilling and loving. Brothers and sisters are the first persons we learn to live with and all this learning brings a lot for the future social life. It teaches us to share, to communicate, to collaborate, to be sensible of the other and not to be self-centred. To sum up, it is very beneficial to live in community.

We are going now to describe the general differences between the members of the siblings.

The characteristics :

The eldest:

At the beginning of his life, the eldest is an only child. He has all the attention of his parents and can be overprotected, so when the second comes it can be unsettling. Indeed, he has to share the love of his parents (love he had integrally before). It causes jealousy and rivalry between the two children. But this competition doesn’t prevent strong complicity and protection from the eldest. He is like a confident for the second. He is often considered like the example to follow. That makes him to be responsible and puts on him a certain pressure. The parents expect a lot of things from the eldest. He experiments everything first; he is the first to go to school, to go out, to do everything. He has to make his own experience and that develops qualities like resourcefulness or to know how to negotiate. He shows the road to his brothers and sisters.

The second:

When he comes, the parents are less stressed and more experienced. He has an other child so they know how to do and behave with this second child. But he feels grief to find his place in the siblings. He is constantly torned between being the older with the eldest and the younger with the third child. He doesn’t know if he has to follow the eldest’s road or to create his own road. He has to be responsible in front of the youngest but he isn’t the main example. He has to adapt to every situations. But as the eldest has taken some responsibilities early the second can feel less concerned and care less of tasks to accomplish. But he can also have the feeling of inferiority and consequently thinks that he should vie with his big brother/sister. An impression of being less loved or having less attention can be felt.

The youngest:

From his birth, the parents want to enjoy for the last time the growing-up of their child. The mother wants to profit his last maternity and wants it unending. She overprotects her child. He will always send back the picture of the smallest and that can move him away from his brothers/sisters. So to find his place close to his brothers/sisters he has to “fight” making his point in front of his family. During the discussions, he doesn’t give his opinion and doesn’t feel concerned. He feels inferior intellectually and doesn’t dare to intervene. He follows the rest of the family. The other members should make him participate and help him to integrate himself. The youngest is very quickly mature and acquire a lot of knowledge which is not usual for a child of his age. He lives things prematurely.

Relationship between Wesley and Frank:

Frank is the oldest and has always benefited the entire attention of his father, Julian. He is very proud of his son who made good studies and exploits in army (p.26). He became a good and respected doctor. As to Wesley, he follows his father’s road and becomes a simple sheriff thanks to his father. He hadn’t any other ambition and chose the easy way but also to be well seen by his father. His brother distances himself from his father. But as it was usual at that time, the first child always had all the privileges and he was the heir. In the novel Montana, we can see that Frank is better considered by his father than Wesley.

The impression felt by the second of being less loved and having less intention is obvious by Wesley. His father hasn’t any respect for his son and doesn’t listen to him. He could do anything to salve Frank without caring of Wesley’s feelings (p.108). Frank feels superior in front of his brother and likes being the eldest.