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If he asks anything, just let him know that it will be OK.

Publié le 06/01/2014

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If he asks anything, just let him know that it will be OK. I told her, It will be OK. She said, The subways are a mess. I'm going to walk home. I should be there in an hour. She said, I love you. She had been married to your father for twelve years. I had known her for fifteen years. It was the first time she told me he loved me. hat was when I knew that she knew. ran across the street. he doorman said you'd gone up ten minutes before. e asked if I was all right. nodded. hat happened to your arm? looked at my arm. It was bleeding through my shirt. Had I fallen and not noticed? Had I been scratching it? That was hen I knew that I knew. o one answered the door when I rang, so I used my key. called to you. skar! ou were silent, but I knew you were there. I could feel you. skar! looked in the coat closet. I looked behind the sofa. A Scrabble board was on the coffee table. Words were running into ach other. I went to your room. It was empty. I looked in your closet. You weren't there. I went to your parents' room. I new you were somewhere. I looked in your father's closet. I touched the tuxedo that was over his chair. I put my hands n its pockets. He had his father's hands. Your grandfather's hands. Will you have those hands? The pockets reminded me. went back to your room and lay down on your bed. couldn't see the stars on your ceiling because the lights were on. thought about the walls of the house I grew up in. My fingerprints. hen the walls collapsed, my fingerprints collapsed. heard you breathing beneath me. skar? got on the ground. On my hands and knees. s there room for two under there? o. re you sure? ositive. ould it be all right if I tried? guess. could only barely squeeze myself under the bed. e lay there on our backs. There wasn't enough room to turn to face each other. None of the light could reach us. ow was school? t was OK. ou got there on time? was early. o you waited outside? eah. hat did you do? read. hat? hat what? hat did you read? Brief History of Time. s it any good? That's not really a question you can ask about it. And your walk home? It was OK. It's beautiful weather. Yeah. I can't remember more beautiful weather than this. That's true. It's a shame to be inside. I guess so. But here we are. wanted to turn to face him, but I couldn't. I moved my hand to touch his hand. They let you out of school? Practically immediately. Do you know what happened? Yeah. Have you heard from Mom or Dad? Mom. What did she say? She said everything was fine and she would be home soon. Dad will be home soon, too. Once he can close up the store. Yeah. You pressed your palms into the bed like you were trying to lift it off us. I wanted to tell you something, but I didn't know hat. I just knew there was something I needed to tell you. o you want to show me your stamps? o thank you. r we could do some thumb wars. aybe later. re you hungry? o. o you want to just wait here for Mom and Dad to come home? guess so. o you want me to wait here with you? t's OK. re you sure? ositive. an I please, Oskar? K. ometimes I felt like the space was collapsing onto us. Someone was on the bed. Mary jumping. Your father sleeping. Anna kissing me. I felt buried. Anna holding the sides of my face. My father pinching my cheeks. Everything on top of me. When your mother came home, she gave you such a fierce hug. I wanted to protect you from her. She asked if your father had called. No. Are there any messages on the phone? No. You asked her if your father was in the building for a meeting. She told you no. You tried to find her eyes, and that was when I knew that you knew. She called the police. It was busy. She called again. It was busy. She kept calling. When it wasn't busy, she asked to speak to someone. There was no one to speak to. You went to the bathroom. I told her to control herself. At least in front of you. She called the newspapers. They didn't know anything. She called the fire department. No one knew anything. All afternoon I knitted that scarf for you. It grew longer and longer. Your mother closed the windows, but we could still smell the smoke. She asked me if I thought we should make posters. I said it might be a good idea. That made her cry, because she had been depending on me. The scarf grew longer and longer. She used the picture from your vacation. From only two weeks before. It was you and your father. When I saw it, I told her she shouldn't use a picture that had your face in it. She said she wasn't going to use the whole picture. Only your father's face. I told her, Still, it isn't a good idea. She said, There are more important things to worry about. ust use a different picture. et it go, Mom. he had never called me Mom. here are so many pictures to choose from. ind your own business. his is my business. e were not angry at each other. don't know how much you understood, but probably you understood everything. he took the posters downtown that afternoon. She filled a rolling suitcase with them. I thought of your grandfather. I ondered where he was at that moment. I didn't know if I wanted him to be suffering. he took a stapler. And a box of staples. And tape. I think of those things now. The paper, the stapler, the staples, the ape. It makes me sick. Physical things. Forty years of loving someone becomes staples and tape. It was just the two of us. You and me. e played games in the living room. You made jewelry. The scarf grew longer and longer. We went for a walk in the park. e didn't talk about what was on top of us. What was pinning us down like a ceiling. When you fell asleep with your head n my lap, I turned on the television. lowered the volume until it was silent. he same pictures over and over. lanes going into buildings. odies falling. eople waving shirts out of high windows. lanes going into buildings. odies falling. lanes going into buildings. eople covered in gray dust. odies falling. uildings falling. lanes going into buildings. lanes going into buildings. uildings falling. eople waving shirts out of high windows. odies falling. lanes going into buildings. ometimes I felt your eyelids flickering. Were you awake? Or dreaming? our mother came home late that night. The suitcase was empty. he hugged you until you said, You're hurting me. he called everyone your father knew, and everyone who might know something. She told them, I'm sorry to wake you. I anted to shout into her ear, Don't be sorry! he kept touching her eyes, although there were no tears. hey thought there would be thousands of injured people. Unconscious people. People without memories. They thought here would be thousands of bodies. They were going to put them in an iceskating rink. emember when we went skating a few months ago and I turned around, because I told you that watching people skate ave me a headache? I saw rows of bodies under the ice. our mother told me I could go home. told her I didn't want to. he said, Have something to eat. Try to sleep. won't be able to eat or sleep. he said, I need to sleep. told her I loved her. hat made her cry, because she had been depending on me. went back across the street. lanes going into buildings. odies falling. lanes going into buildings. uildings falling. lanes going into buildings.

« That's true. It's ashame tobe inside. I guess so. But here weare. I wanted toturn toface him, butIcouldn't.

Imoved myhand totouch hishand. They letyou outofschool? Practically immediately. Do you know whathappened? Yeah. Have youheard fromMom orDad? Mom. What didshe say? She said everything wasfineandshewould behome soon. Dad willbehome soon,too.Once hecan close upthe store. Yeah. You pressed yourpalms intothebed likeyou were trying tolift itoff us.

Iwanted totell you something, butIdidn't know what.

Ijust knew there wassomething Ineeded totell you. Do you want toshow meyour stamps? No thank you. Or we could dosome thumb wars. Maybe later. Are you hungry? No. Do you want tojust wait here forMom andDad tocome home? I guess so. Do you want metowait here withyou? It's OK. Are you sure? Positive. Can Iplease, Oskar? OK. Sometimes Ifelt like thespace wascollapsing ontous.Someone wasonthe bed.

Mary jumping.

Yourfather sleeping. Anna kissing me.Ifelt buried.

Annaholding thesides ofmy face.

Myfather pinching mycheeks.

Everything ontop ofme. When yourmother camehome, shegave yousuch afierce hug.Iwanted toprotect youfrom her. She asked ifyour father hadcalled. No. Are there anymessages onthe phone? No. You asked herifyour father wasinthe building forameeting. She told youno. You tried tofind hereyes, andthat waswhen Iknew thatyouknew. She called thepolice.

Itwas busy.

Shecalled again.

Itwas busy.

Shekept calling.

Whenitwasn't busy,sheasked tospeak to someone.

Therewasnoone tospeak to. You went tothe bathroom.

Itold hertocontrol herself.

Atleast infront ofyou. She called thenewspapers.

Theydidn't knowanything. She called thefire department. No one knew anything. All afternoon Iknitted thatscarf foryou.

Itgrew longer andlonger. Your mother closedthewindows, butwecould stillsmell thesmoke. She asked meifIthought weshould makeposters. I said itmight beagood idea. That made hercry, because shehad been depending onme. The scarf grew longer andlonger. She used thepicture fromyourvacation.

Fromonlytwoweeks before.

Itwas youand your father.

WhenIsaw it,Itold her she shouldn't useapicture thathadyour faceinit.

She said shewasn't goingtouse thewhole picture.

Onlyyour father's face. I told her, Still, itisn't agood idea.. »

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