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I understood him.

Publié le 06/01/2014

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I understood him. nd we will have to make more rules, I said. o make it more of a home. es. K. e went straight to the jewelry store. He left the suitcase in the back room. We sold a pair of emerald earrings that day. And a diamond engagement ring. And a gold bracelet for a little girl. And a watch for someone on his way to Brazil. That night we held each other in bed. He kissed me all over. I believed him. I was not stupid. I was his wife. The next morning he went to the airport. I didn't dare feel his suitcase. I waited for him to come home. Hours passed. And minutes. I didn't open the store at 11:00. I waited by the window. I still believed in him. I didn't eat lunch. Seconds passed. The afternoon left. The evening came. I didn't eat dinner. Years were passing through the spaces between moments. Your father kicked in my belly. What was he trying to tell me? I brought the birdcages to the windows. I opened the windows, and opened the birdcages. I poured the fish down the drain. I took the dogs and cats downstairs and removed their collars. I released the insects onto the street. And the reptiles. And the mice. I told them, Go. All of you. Go. And they went. And they didn't come back. HAPPINESS, HAPPINESS   INTERVIEWER. Can you describe the events of that morning? OMOYASU. I left home with my daughter, Masako. She was on her way to work. I was going to see a friend. An air-raid arning was issued. I told Masako I was going home. She said, "I'm going to the office." I did chores and waited for the arning to be lifted. folded the bedding. I rearranged the closet. I cleaned the windows with a wet rag. There was a flash. My first thought as that it was the flash from a camera. That sounds so ridiculous now. It pierced my eyes. My mind went blank. The glass from the windows was shattering all around me. It sounded like when my mother used to hush me to be quiet. hen I became conscious again, I realized I wasn't standing. I had been thrown into a different room. The rag was still in y hand, but it was no longer wet. My only thought was to find my daughter. I looked outside the window and saw one of my neighbors standing almost naked. His skin was peeling off all over his body. It was hanging from his fingertips. I sked him what had happened. He was too exhausted to reply. He was looking in every direction, I can only assume for is family. I thought, I must go. I must go and find Masako. I put my shoes on and took my air-raid hood with me. I made my way to the train station. So many people were marching toward me, away from the city. I smelled something similar to grilled squid. I must have been in shock, because the people looked like squid washing up on the shore. I saw a young girl coming toward me. Her skin was melting down her. It was like wax. She was muttering, "Mother. Water. other. Water." I thought she might be Masako. But she wasn't. I didn't give her any water. I am sorry that I didn't. But I as trying to find my Masako. ran all the way to Hiroshima Station. It was full of people. Some of them were dead. Many of them were lying on the round. They were calling for their mothers and asking for water. I went to Tokiwa Bridge. I had to cross the bridge to get to my daughter's office. INTERVIEWER. Did you see the mushroom cloud? TOMOYASU. No, I didn't see the cloud. INTERVIEWER. You didn't see the mushroom cloud? TOMOYASU. I didn't see the mushroom cloud. I was trying to find Masako. INTERVIEWER. But the cloud spread over the city? TOMOYASU. I was trying to find her. They told me I couldn't go beyond the bridge. I thought she might be back home, so turned around. I was at the Nikitsu Shrine when the black rain started falling from the sky. I wondered what it was. nterviewer. Can you describe the black rain? OMOYASU. I waited for her in the house. I opened the windows, even though there was no glass. I stayed awake all ight waiting. But she didn't come back. About 6:30 the next morning, Mr. Ishido came around. His daughter was working t the same office as my daughter. He called out asking for Masako's house. I ran outside. I called, "It's here, over here!" r. Ishido came up to me. He said, "Quick! Get some clothes and go for her. She is at the bank of the Ota River." ran as fast as I could. Faster than I was able to run. When I reached the Tokiwa Bridge, there were soldiers lying on the round. Around Hiroshima Station, I saw more people lying dead. There were more on the morning of the seventh than n the sixth. When I reached the riverbank, I couldn't tell who was who. I kept looking for Masako. I heard someone rying, "Mother!" I recognized her voice. I found her in horrible condition. And she still appears in my dreams that way. he said, "It took you so long." apologized to her. I told her, "I came as fast as I could." t was just the two of us. I didn't know what to do. I was not a nurse. There were maggots in her wounds and a sticky ellow liquid. I tried to clean her up. But her skin was peeling off. The maggots were coming out all over. I couldn't wipe hem off, or I would wipe off her skin and muscle. I had to pick them out. She asked me what I was doing. I told her, "Oh, asako. It's nothing." She nodded. Nine hours later, she died. NTERVIEWER. You were holding her in your arms all that time? OMOYASU. Yes, I held her in my arms. She said, "I don't want to die." I told her, "You're not going to die." She said, "I romise I won't die before we get home." But she was in pain and she kept crying, "Mother." NTERVIEWER. It must be hard to talk about these things. OMOYASU. When I heard that your organization was recording testimonies, I knew I had to come. She died in my arms, aying, "I don't want to die." That is what death is like. It doesn't matter what uniforms the soldiers are wearing. It doesn't atter how good the weapons are. I thought if everyone could see what I saw, we would never have war anymore. pressed Stop on the boom box, because the interview was over. The girls were crying, and the boys were making funny arfing noises. Well," Mr. Keegan said, wiping his forehead with a handkerchief as he stood up from his chair, "Oskar has certainly given us a lot to think about." I said, "I'm not done." He said, "That seemed pretty complete to me." I explained, "Because the radiant heat traveled in straight lines from the explosion, scientists were able to determine the direction toward the hypocenter from a number of different points, by observing the shadows cast by intervening objects. The shadows gave an indication of the height of the burst of the bomb, and the diameter of the ball of fire at the instant it was exerting the maximum charring effect. Isn't that fascinating?" Jimmy Snyder raised his hand. I called on him. He asked, "Why are you so weird?" I asked if his question was rhetorical. Mr. Keegan told him to go to Principal Bundy's office. Some of the kids cracked up. I knew they were cracking up in the bad way, which is at me, but I tried to maintain my confidence. "Another interesting feature that has to do with the explosion was the relationship between the degree of burning and color, because dark colors absorb light, obviously. For example, a famous chess match between two grand masters was oing on that morning on a life-size board in one of the big city parks. The bomb destroyed everything: the spectators in he seats, the people who were filming the match, their black cameras, the timing clocks, even the grand masters. All that as left were white pieces on white square islands." s he walked out of the room, Jimmy said, "Hey, Oskar, who's Buckminster?" I told him, "Richard Buckminster Fuller was scientist, philosopher, and inventor who is most famous for designing the geodesic dome, whose most famous version is he Buckyball. He died in 1983, I think." Jimmy said, "I mean your Buckminster." I didn't know why he was asking, because I'd brought Buckminster to school for a demonstration only a couple of weeks before, and dropped him from the roof to show how cats reach terminal velocity by making themselves into little parachutes, and that cats actually have a better chance of surviving a fall from the twentieth floor than the eighth floor, because it takes them about eight floors to realize what's going on, and relax and correct themselves. I said, "Buckminster is my pussy." Jimmy pointed at me and said, "Ha ha!" The kids cracked up in the bad way. I didn't get what was so hilarious. Mr. Keegan got angry and said, "Jimmy!" Jimmy said, "What? What did I do?" I could tell that inside, Mr. Keegan was cracking up, too. "What I was saying was, they found a piece of paper, about half a kilometer from the hypocenter, and the letters, which they call characters, were neatly burned out. I became extremely curious about what that would look like, so first I tried to cut out letters on my own, but my hands weren't good enough to do it, so I did some research, and I found a printer on pring Street who specializes in die-cutting, and he said he could do it for two hundred fifty dollars. I asked him if that ncluded tax. He said no, but I still thought it was worth the money, so I took my mom's credit card, and anyway, here it s." I held up the sheet of paper, with the first page of A Brief History of Time in Japanese, which I got the translation of rom Amazon.co.jp . I looked at the class through the story of the turtles. hat was Wednesday. spent Thursday's recess in the library, reading the new issue of

« HAPPINESS, HAPPINESS   INTERVIEWER.

Canyoudescribe theevents ofthat morning? TOMOYASU.

Ileft home withmydaughter, Masako.Shewas onher way towork.

Iwas going tosee afriend.

Anair-raid warning wasissued.

Itold Masako Iwas going home.

Shesaid, "I'mgoing tothe office." Idid chores andwaited forthe warning tobe lifted. I folded thebedding.

Irearranged thecloset.

Icleaned thewindows withawet rag.

There wasaflash.

Myfirst thought was that itwas theflash from acamera.

Thatsounds soridiculous now.Itpierced myeyes.

Mymind wentblank.

The glass from thewindows wasshattering allaround me.Itsounded likewhen mymother usedtohush metobe quiet. When Ibecame conscious again,Irealized Iwasn't standing.

Ihad been thrown intoadifferent room.Theragwas stillin my hand, butitwas nolonger wet.Myonly thought wastofind mydaughter.

Ilooked outside thewindow andsaw one of my neighbors standingalmostnaked.Hisskin waspeeling offallover hisbody.

Itwas hanging fromhisfingertips.

I asked himwhat hadhappened.

Hewas tooexhausted toreply.

Hewas looking inevery direction, Ican only assume for his family.

Ithought, I must go.Imust goand find Masako. I put myshoes onand took myair-raid hoodwithme.Imade myway tothe train station.

Somany people weremarching toward me,away fromthecity.

Ismelled something similartogrilled squid.Imust havebeen inshock, because the people lookedlikesquid washing upon the shore. I saw ayoung girlcoming towardme.Herskin wasmelting downher.Itwas likewax.

Shewas muttering, "Mother.Water. Mother.

Water."Ithought shemight beMasako.

Butshe wasn't.

Ididn't giveherany water.

Iam sorry thatIdidn't.

ButI was trying tofind myMasako. I ran allthe way toHiroshima Station.Itwas fullofpeople.

Someofthem weredead.

Many ofthem werelyingonthe ground.

Theywere calling fortheir mothers andasking forwater.

Iwent toTokiwa Bridge.Ihad tocross thebridge toget to my daughter's office. INTERVIEWER.

Didyou seethemushroom cloud? TOMOYASU.

No,Ididn't seethecloud. INTERVIEWER.

Youdidn't seethemushroom cloud? TOMOYASU.

Ididn't seethemushroom cloud.Iwas trying tofind Masako. INTERVIEWER.

Butthecloud spread overthecity? TOMOYASU.

Iwas trying tofind her.

They toldmeIcouldn't gobeyond thebridge.

Ithought shemight beback home, so I turned around.

Iwas atthe Nikitsu Shrinewhentheblack rainstarted fallingfromthesky.

Iwondered whatitwas. interviewer.

Canyoudescribe theblack rain? TOMOYASU.

Iwaited forher inthe house.

Iopened thewindows, eventhough therewasnoglass.

Istayed awakeall night waiting.

Butshe didn't comeback.About 6:30thenext morning, Mr.Ishido camearound.

Hisdaughter wasworking at the same office asmy daughter.

Hecalled outasking forMasako's house.Iran outside.

Icalled, "It'shere, overhere!" Mr.

Ishido cameuptome.

Hesaid, "Quick! Getsome clothes andgofor her.

Sheisat the bank ofthe Ota River." I ran asfast asIcould.

Faster thanIwas able torun.

When Ireached theTokiwa Bridge,thereweresoldiers lyingonthe ground.

AroundHiroshima Station,Isaw more people lyingdead.

There weremore onthe morning ofthe seventh than on the sixth.

When Ireached theriverbank, Icouldn't tellwho waswho.

Ikept looking forMasako.

Iheard someone crying, "Mother!" Irecognized hervoice.

Ifound herinhorrible condition.

Andshestill appears inmy dreams thatway. She said, "Ittook yousolong." I apologized toher.

Itold her, "Icame asfast asIcould." It was justthetwo ofus.

Ididn't knowwhattodo.

Iwas notanurse.

Thereweremaggots inher wounds andasticky yellow liquid.Itried toclean herup.But herskin waspeeling off.The maggots werecoming outallover.

Icouldn't wipe them off,orIwould wipeoffher skin andmuscle.

Ihad topick them out.Sheasked mewhat Iwas doing.

Itold her, "Oh, Masako.

It'snothing." Shenodded.

Ninehours later,shedied. INTERVIEWER.

Youwere holding herinyour arms allthat time? TOMOYASU.

Yes,Iheld herinmy arms.

Shesaid, "Idon't wanttodie." Itold her, "You're notgoing todie." Shesaid, "I promise Iwon't diebefore weget home." Butshe was inpain andshekept crying, "Mother." INTERVIEWER.

Itmust behard totalk about thesethings. TOMOYASU.

WhenIheard thatyour organization wasrecording testimonies, Iknew Ihad tocome.

Shedied inmy arms, saying, "Idon't wanttodie." Thatiswhat death islike.

Itdoesn't matterwhatuniforms thesoldiers arewearing.

Itdoesn't matter howgood theweapons are.Ithought ifeveryone couldseewhat Isaw, wewould neverhavewaranymore. I pressed Stoponthe boom box,because theinterview wasover.

Thegirls were crying, andtheboys were making funny barfing noises. "Well," Mr.Keegan said,wiping hisforehead withahandkerchief ashe stood upfrom hischair, "Oskar hascertainly given. »

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